The other day I was looking at the weather section of the newspaper when I noticed an oddity.  For some reason I decided to read that stupid little paragraph that the weather guy writes each day.  I’ve never understood why that paragraph was there. 

Perhaps it’s for people who are too stupid to understand temperatures in number form.  Or, for people who lack the social skills to converse about the weather with something that isn’t a piece of newsprint.  Most likely it’s just there for the weather guy to futilely attempt to convince his boss that he couldn’t be easily replaced by a computer.

In any event, the paragraph is usually some completely forgettable garbage about nothing in particular.  And that day’s was no exception, except it ended with this:

“… Summer is really slipping by fast now.  Tomorrow is going to be a gorgeous day.  If you can skip out of work without getting caught, I say do it.”

What the hell is that?  I was close enough to skipping work already; I didn’t need the weather guy to push me over the edge.  Since when is the weather guy in the business of dealing out immoral advice?

Person:  “Hey, what’s the weather going to be like tomorrow?”

Weather Guy:  “Partly cloudy, with a 10% chance of getting caught when you cheat on your wife.”

Person:  “What?”

Weather Guy:  “I said it’s going to be beautiful out… enjoy it. *wink*”

But then I started looking through the paper and noticed other odd sections:

·        Sports: “… so I predict we will easily win by 7 points.  At least I hope so… I’ve got a lot of money riding on this thing.  If I don’t win back my daughter’s college fund my wife is going to divorce me.”

·        Business:  “The price of soybeans rose 8% in late trading yesterday.  The price of marijuana dropped 10% in my basement yesterday, if anyone’s interested.”

·        Parenting:  “Who am I to tell you whom you should and should not be beating on a daily basis?  Just follow your heart.”

·        Food:  “This soup perfectly masks the taste of ricin.  I’m not saying you should poison her tonight, but lets face it:  you’re not getting any younger, and, more unfortunately, neither is she.”

No wonder newspapers are so popular these days.

-FG

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