I remember when I was younger I always hated the appearance of back to school ads on the TV and the radio.  Now that I’m no longer in school I just find them horribly annoying.  This year, as is the case every year, I’ve heard no fewer than three stores make the claim that they are my “Back to Cool” destination.

            I’m surprised each year to find that advertisers still think this is a clever phrase.  ‘Cool’ rhymes with ‘School’.  I’m aware of this.  Everyone is aware of this.  The phrase ceased being clever in-between the time when the first person thought it up and the time when it left his mouth.

Marketer1:  “I’ve got it.  How about, ‘We’re your back to cool headquarters’?”

Marketer2:  “That’s incredible.  Did you just come up with that?”

Marketer1:  “Actually I stole it from this Sears catalog I found from the year the first school in America opened.”

Maybe I wouldn’t be so annoyed if some store actually took the concept of ‘back to cool’ more seriously.

Bouncer:  “Can I help you?”

Kid:  “Umm… I’m here for the ‘back to cool’ sale.”

Bouncer:  “I’m afraid that ‘back to cool’ implies that you were at one point cool.”

Kid: “What the heck are you talking about?”

Bouncer:  “Listen here, Wide-Rule, why don’t you drag your sorry ass down to K-Mart and see if they have your brand of paste.  ‘Cause you ain’t getting past this velvet rope.”

More like back to fool.  Ah ha ha ha.

-FG

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