The phrase ‘How about them gas prices?’ has quickly shot past ‘how about that weather?’ and ‘how about them [sports team]?’ all the way to the top of my list of ‘Things that idiots attempt to start conversations with, not realizing that trying to converse upon such a boring topic would be more painful than silence.’ 

Person:  “Guess how much I had to pay for a tank of gas today.”

FG:  “Ok, listen:  Every gas station in town is selling gas for the same price, give or take a few pennies, so the only difference between what any of us paid is simply how many gallons we put into our vehicles, and I, for one, am not willing to admit that will ever exist a scenario in which I am so desperate for conversation that I’d be willing to discuss with you a topic even approaching the banality of the dimensions of our gas tanks.”

Person:  “No, seriously, guess.”

Then there are the people who try to justify the recent doubling of gas prices by pointing out that we’re paying more per gallon for coffee or bottled water.  First of all, the hell I am.  Just because you’re pissing your money away on that stuff doesn’t mean everyone is.

Person:  “Yeah, well Chanel No.5 perfume is like a kajillion dollars a gallon, so I’d say we’re still doing pretty good.”

FG:  “I’d say that anyone purchasing perfume by the gallon on a regular basis isn’t doing ‘pretty good’ in any respect.”

I bet their car smells pretty good, though.

-FG

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