Enough talk about silly trivial things like rising gas prices.  It’s time to talk about more important things that affect all of us, the chief among them being the stairs outside of my place of work.    

The hill that they traverse is long and sloping, so the stairs themselves are each abnormally long.  In order to walk down them like a normal staircase you’d have to take ridiculously long strides and look like a jackass.  However, the stairs aren’t long enough to take two full strides.  So you end up take one stride, and one half stride, then a normal step down.  Or two small strides and a normal step. Or one normal stride and one overreaching stride to the next step.  Or some other garbage like that. 

The fact is that whoever designed these steps did so in such a way that no normal human being would be able to walk up or down them without looking like their nervous system has been attacked by some horrible disease, leaving them lurching around, unable to control their feet, as their co-workers look on in horror.

So I decided that I wanted to find this horrible person and ask them why they designed the stairs in such a way.  But then I realized that whoever made such a staircase must be of some sort of super tall race of giants, or possibly ogres, whose incredibly long legs allow them to bound with the greatest of ease over stairs that us mere mortals find nearly uncrossable. 

FG:  “Yeah, I have a question.”

Stair Designer:  “Stair Designer angry!”

FG:  “Right, it’s about the stairs.  Why did you—“

SD:  “Arrarrgh!  Stair Designer smash!”

Angry Villagers with Torches and Pitchforks:  “There he is!  Get him!”

SD:  “Garrararrarghhh!”

FG:  “Look, I’m obviously interrupting something here.  I’ll come back later.”

This is the price we pay for outsourcing all of our stair design jobs overseas to the Land of Ogres.

-FG

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