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| Diamond Ad | Thursday, October 13th 2005 |
6:22 pm |
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Lately I’ve been noticing that no matter which radio station I listen to, more and more of the ads are for jewelry stores. I would estimate these ads are now approximately 80% of the content that is broadcast on most radio stations. And they’ve all started using the same stupid technique of using scientific-sounding terms to explain how great their stuff is. Diamond Ad: "Our certified diamondologists have invented the Gem-tronic Super Light-o-Scope 200Z exclusively for our store. It’s the only machine of its kind that can accurately tell you how sparkly your diamond is." Guy: "Scientists and laboratory equipment telling me how a diamond looks… It’s too bad I’m not marrying a robot." That would be the reaction of any normal male in our society, but that’s not who the commercials are aimed at. These commercials are made for the guy whose wife has been nagging him about the wedding 24 hours a day for the past 6 months. He’s like a P.O.W. who’s undergone high-intensity brainwashing, leaving him a broken man with no cognitive abilities whatsoever. Diamond Ad: "Our lab of diamondticians is the first one in the nation to have access to the new Pretty-scope 8000X. This machine represents a new level of accuracy in the field of prettiness-measuring. Our diamonds are 27.8% prettier than the average crap out there. Come into our store and see. We’ll give you a bar graph that shows exactly how much you love her." Guy: "Yes. That seems reasonable. Though, I wonder if I can get that in pie-chart form… she likes pie-charts better." This is just another reason why women don’t deserve jewelry. -FG |
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