Finally, ‘FG Thinks That Everything About Halloween that Doesn’t Involve Giving Him Candy is Stupid, part III’
And now, a wrap-up of the rest of the things that are wrong with Halloween
- People who hand out toothbrushes instead of candy – Just because you don’t celebrate the holiday doesn’t mean you should go around ruining it for others.
Person1: “Happy Hanukah!”
Person2: “Oh, you shouldn’t have! What is it?”
Person1: “It’s a bible.”
Person2: “Oh… you… shouldn’t have.”
Person1: “How would you know?”
- The term ‘spook-tacular’ being used in every single commercial – Your pumpkin flavored muffins aren’t spooky, they aren’t spectacular, and they’re only vaguely racist, so stop using the damn word.
- Schools and other organizations that don’t call it Halloween – Look, if you don’t want to celebrate Halloween, don’t celebrate it. But don’t give me this “Harvest Festival” bullcrap and expect me to celebrate anything. I hate harvests... almost as much as I hate festivals.
- People who give out bad candy – There are so many good candies on the market, it’s almost impossible not to pick a good one. Yet there’s still that one lady in the neighborhood who gives out the same damn mints every year, because she bought a gross of them back in the 60s because they were on sale because the company was going out of business because of all of the allegations that the mints were made out of children. Get with the times, lady. Children don’t freshen breath.
Happy holidays.
-FG
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