I’m sure you’ve heard about this on the news already, but I’ll let you know anyways: we’re all going to die any minute now.  Either from SARS or mad cow disease or the bird flu or… well, basically I’m surprised you’ve survived this long. 

            The latest emergency that the media is trying to convince me to be concerned about is killer spinach.  Every day I have to hear update after update about where the tainted spinach was grown, what brands of spinach were infected, and how I can protect my family from the horrible spinach menace.  They really want this to be a big story, but there’s one problem.

Person1:  “I hear it’s unsafe to eat spinach.”

Person2:  “Then I’ll have to stop buying it.  At least I would have to stop if I had ever bought any spinach ever in my entire life.”

That’s right – nobody eats spinach.  Who cares if spinach is poisoned?  Nobody eats it anyways!  This affects nobody – with the possible exception of Popeye… but somebody can just tell him about it, and he’ll lay low for a while.  This is not a national emergency.

Person1:  “I have some bad news and some good news.  Firstly, spinach is deadly and we can’t eat it.”

Person2:  “What’s the good news?”

Person1:  “That was the good news.”

Maybe we can get the sick birds to eat the bad spinach -- that’ll kill two birds with one… actually I’m going to stop there before a pun breaks out.

-FG

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